Creep Alert

I am quite experienced in getting rid of creepy and/or generally annoying people. Here are 5 simple steps to rid yourself of the common pest:

1) Don't ever EVER let on that you are any kind of friends with that person. If they say something about you being friends bluntly and QUICKLY correct them. A simple "We're not friends," might suffice (if not you can always try the "turn and run" thing). If they laugh it off as a joke, don't laugh with them, this ensures sincerity. Another tactic is to, at all times possible, refer to other people as your best friends, even if they aren't just to make the creep feel like more of an outsider.

2) Be mean. I love the serious sarcasm. The creep thinks you are kidding when in actuality you are completely serious. I love this because it satisfies your need to be utterly hateful without making the other person cry... too hard.

3) Hate everything they love. As soon as they say they like something make a revolted face and say you hate it. Even if it's your favorite thing in the world. They might get the hint that you two have nothing in common and therefore should not be friends.... most likely though, they won't.

4) Don't be afraid to resort to childish avoidance. If that person is standing down the hall and hasn't seen you TURN AROUND and do the swift, silent, urgent run/walk in the opposite direction. If you know when that person routinely arrives at the place you most often run into them, make it a habit to arrive there later or earlier, just so you are not forced to walk with them. (It is extremely helpful to learn their patterns so you can avoid them at all cost). 

5) During times for forced interaction, note every little thing you dislike most about this person. It will keep you sane. If you keep thinking about everything the creep does that is thoroughly nauseating you can create more condescending things to say in the future.

An Introduction to a Life in Retail

I recently got a job at Kohl's (wooo go me! I'm all profesh and responsible now... makin' bank... not really). Entonces, I have been introduced to the wonderful world of retail.

Never have I ever wanted to kill people so much...

I have come to the realization that there is no hope for the general public. They are all very stupid.

I work on the floor for the men's, misses, and juniors departments. Which means I clean out dressing rooms, hang stuff back up that has fallen, and so on and such wise (<-- you like that? sounds really intelligent doesn't it? yeah I know).

The teenage girls are the worst. They leave everything in the dressing room. Does the rack that says "We'll put it back for you." mean nothing? Idiots. OPEN YOUR EYES. Look, it's so fancy, you don't even have to fold it back up, not that you would. Then there are the chicks who go into the dressing rooms with entire outfits, (I mean like shoes, earrings, and lingerie included) hate everything, and leave it in a dressing room that looks like Fat Man (learn some history) was dropped in there. Like, jeans left on the floor perfectly scrunched down to be stepped out of.

Women are terrible too. At least they put it back on the rack. But since every woman in the world is concerned with her size, she takes in three of every piece of clothing in a different size. There are the incredibly lazy women that put stuff back on the hanger inside out. THANKS FOR NOTHING. Now I have to do more than before. Some people think they are being helpful and try to put the clothes back, but when they can't remember where they got it from they shove all of their lost little clothes on one rack IN A DIFFERENT SECTION. For real?

Men. I LOVE MEN. They come in they get what they need and they leave. The section is spotless, the clothes on the go back rack are all perfectly hung back on the hanger, and they don't try on underwear (........yep). 

So let me caution you... next time you go shopping, at least at Kohl's, please at least put the clothes on the go back rack. Or you might get eaten by a hateful Sales Associate.

Scary Things

Feet.
Thunder storms.
Spiders.
Robbers.
Clowns.
Ugly babies.
My English teacher.
Airplane landings.
The dark.
Cameltoe.
Being home alone.
Grimm.
Old people.
Words with more than 13 letters.
Getting lost.
Wind.
Bears.
Rabies.
Panty lines.
My mom.
Vincent Price.
Motor cycles.
My chemistry teacher.
Aye aye lemurs.
Katniss Everdeen.
Beats.
Cellulite.
Mold.
The woods.
Lasers.
Germans.

More Things to Waste My Time On

I was recently introduced to Friday Night Lights... most probably the best show ever (right under House and Parenthood and New Girl... these cannot be outdone). It has such an absorbing story line and a plethora of beautiful people to carry it out. Timmy Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) is definitely my favorite character, granted he's a screw up and probably has no future but he is so SWEET, that Texas accent, and those ARMS... look at them!

 

And don't even get me started on Coach Taylor... I love him. How much he cares about his team and his family, that little smirk he always has on his face OMG. He is the best. Anyway, if you've never seen it... go rent all the seasons and don't leave your house until you have finished all of them (please shower however).

I also recently acquired this app called Draw Something. I can't stop playing it, it's like Pictionary but one on one through your phone. It helps to have 3 artist friends, but having a bunch more that can't even draw stick figures is a little difficult, sometimes you just have to text them and be like "Hey you're a horrible drawer, tell me what your drawing is because I have three x's two w's and a 4." Then I have the friend that doesn't bother drawing at all and writes a message with a blank for the word. It's not called write something! Dork.

That Idiot...

that rides down the road in the standing water when there is plenty of lane without water. (NO PROB I LOVE RUNNING MY WINDSHIELD WIPERS.)

that passes a school bus when it is stopped and blinking RED. (RED MEANS DEATH EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. )

that lies to you and tells you there is a Ke$ha song in the Hunger Games sound track. (YOU JUST CRUSHED MY LIFE.)

that a gets lower grade on a test than you but assumes you got lower and flaunts it in YOUR face anyway. (HI, YOU'RE VERY STUPID.)

that shuts their dress in their car door (WATCH ME WHILE I LAUGH AT YOU.)

that wears shorts and then complains about their cold legs. (HI IT'S WINTER TIME.)

that doesn't take showers often enough. (EW.)

that skateboards in the middle of the road. (WHEN YOU GET HIT BY A BUS I WILL LAUGH.)

that posts all their relationship crap/trauma on the interwebs. (I WANT TO DELETE YOUR FACE.)

All I Do is Pin Pin Pin

So a couple of months ago I became addicted to this website called Pinterest. You probably have heard of it. At first I was just restricted to looking, because you have to be invited in order to actually pin things. So I remained an observer for about 2 months. Stopping in occasionally to see what new things would appear.

About a week ago I received an invitation from my sister (Raz Darnell).

That is when my life ended. All I think about now is what I should pin next, what board it should go on, and what clever caption I should drop underneath. I can't stop, even right now I thinking about a way to pin a link to my blog. I am hopeless. I literally can spend hours on that website completely enthralled. It is a vicious cycle really. I get tired of pinning things so I go and look at other people's pins. While I am doing this I am repinning things I like. Then once I have repinned a ton of stuff I feel guilty like I am only stealing other people's ideas and I feel the need to go find my own pins. And now you can see where the cycle starts over.

( I am also into hyper-linking... in case you can't tell)

10 Things I Should be Doing Other Than This.

Writing an AP English paper.

Cleaning my room.

Reading summer reading books I never even bothered to open.

Spanish homework.

Preparing to make dinner.

Writing the next 2 Charger Challenge prompts... (required for graduation). Meh.

Wearing pants.               (jk I'm wearing pants). (maybe).

Cleaning out my cat's litter box.  <--- that won't happen for at least a week more.

Laundry.

Researching rhetorical analysis.

A Confession

So, I do have a confession to make... to the 13 (5 of them being the same person) followers who I know care deeply about the inner workings of my mind and my conscious.

I played Minecraft... and I am kind of addicted, have been for quite some time now. Once you get over the vintage graphics and ridiculousness of the game itself you're trapped, sucked into a new dimension in which life is yours to make. It's like sweet dream you just can't get out of.

I felt like I needed to tell this to you because I dissed it in an earlier post. Which I know you remember, have memorized even.

Well, yeah. Now you know. Laugh away.

What Winter Break Means to My Teachers

     To students winter break means two weeks of relaxation and fun, snow, hot chocolate, fires, and family. It is a time for you to just forget about school and all the work that goes with it and just focus on pretty much nothing... it's two weeks for your brain to just sit inside your head and give you the power to breathe and eat, but no more is really necessary.

      To teachers however, winter break is a disaster. Kids brains go on vacation for two weeks and just die... they can't have that happen. They think that if we go veg for two weeks we will forget everything we were ever taught in our entire lives. So they feel the need to pile on the work over the break so that we have at least enough to do something everyday... because apparently we don't make other plans. It's funny too because I am the type of person who leaves everything until the very last second (like tomorrow I have a quiz on my US History reading that I've done none of). So my last day of break is going to be devoted to doing mounds and mounds of homework, projects, and general studying.

The Nation of Me

I have a country, it is taking over the rest of the world slowly but surely.

No, really it's legit. I have a Secretary of Defense and a Zombie Apocalypse Aficionado (every country needs one of those). I feel we will be the only country in the world prepared for this when it happens. My country is currently at war with the Graceland, because it refuses to acknowledge the fact that my country exists. We have nuclear weapons though, so I think we're fine on that front.

I am supreme ruler, I mean duh. Although my title is just M. The M if you want to get official. And yes, it has to be italicized. I also answer to Empress Divine, Hey Beautiful, and Optimus Prime. All of these also italicized.

Facts about The Nation of Me (always underlined):
Population: me (I mean, I am the only one that really matters).
National Anthem: Party Rock Anthem
Flag: purple with a giant pair of red Ray-Ban sunglasses
National dance: the pancake
National sport: quiz bowl
It is illegal to have red highlighted hair unless you are me.
Doorbells are outlawed.
People with an IQ of less than 169 are to be extinguished. 
We are all about equality.
All animals and children are to be named after me.
Anything I ever want to buy is to be given to me free.
Car doors are banned.
Peas are outlawed.
Giving homework is a federal offense.
Green 1995 Buicks are the only kinds of cars allowed.
Minimum wage is $1,000 an hour.
Smallest country in the world.
Surprise adoption is the only acceptable form of having kids.
Anyone caught listening to Lady Gaga will be exiled with her on an island (now how do ya like her?).