Sunday, December 18, 2011

What Winter Break Means to My Teachers

     To students winter break means two weeks of relaxation and fun, snow, hot chocolate, fires, and family. It is a time for you to just forget about school and all the work that goes with it and just focus on pretty much nothing... it's two weeks for your brain to just sit inside your head and give you the power to breathe and eat, but no more is really necessary.

      To teachers however, winter break is a disaster. Kids brains go on vacation for two weeks and just die... they can't have that happen. They think that if we go veg for two weeks we will forget everything we were ever taught in our entire lives. So they feel the need to pile on the work over the break so that we have at least enough to do something everyday... because apparently we don't make other plans. It's funny too because I am the type of person who leaves everything until the very last second (like tomorrow I have a quiz on my US History reading that I've done none of). So my last day of break is going to be devoted to doing mounds and mounds of homework, projects, and general studying.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Nation of Me

I have a country, it is taking over the rest of the world slowly but surely.

No, really it's legit. I have a Secretary of Defense and a Zombie Apocalypse Aficionado (every country needs one of those). I feel we will be the only country in the world prepared for this when it happens. My country is currently at war with the Graceland, because it refuses to acknowledge the fact that my country exists. We have nuclear weapons though, so I think we're fine on that front.

I am supreme ruler, I mean duh. Although my title is just M. The M if you want to get official. And yes, it has to be italicized. I also answer to Empress Divine, Hey Beautiful, and Optimus Prime. All of these also italicized.

Facts about The Nation of Me (always underlined):
Population: me (I mean, I am the only one that really matters).
National Anthem: Party Rock Anthem
Flag: purple with a giant pair of red Ray-Ban sunglasses
National dance: the pancake
National sport: quiz bowl
It is illegal to have red highlighted hair unless you are me.
Doorbells are outlawed.
People with an IQ of less than 169 are to be extinguished. 
We are all about equality.
All animals and children are to be named after me.
Anything I ever want to buy is to be given to me free.
Car doors are banned.
Peas are outlawed.
Giving homework is a federal offense.
Green 1995 Buicks are the only kinds of cars allowed.
Minimum wage is $1,000 an hour.
Smallest country in the world.
Surprise adoption is the only acceptable form of having kids.
Anyone caught listening to Lady Gaga will be exiled with her on an island (now how do ya like her?).