I Can Do This

If there is anything my last semester of grown up school has taught me (besides lots of chemistry and useless knowledge of the theater I will honestly never need) it's that tea and coffee are my two most favorite things in a cup and I can do this.
Going into last semester I wasn't worried that I would fail or implode due to pressure, I was worried that I wouldn't make it all the way... that is all four years. I knew I could do this first semester, heck even the first two years. But I was almost sure I would change my major to something easier than nursing. And a terrifying nursing information session half way though did not really boost my confidence. (Actual quote: "Nursing students don't have lives, they don't know what lives are.") But I had to take a step back and realize a few things. I am not your typical student, I am [somehow have become] a wonder student. I value the importance of studying. Plus the actual nursing program is only two years! So if it is completely awful, it's only completely awful three months at a time over the course of two years. I will still have my winter break, I will still have my summer break. I will still have my family and friends to encourage me.
Plus this last semester really proved to me that I have what it takes to make it. I can do this. I got straight A's, something I haven't done since probably 6th grade. I knew I had this in me it just took more than middle and high school to bring it back out.

I'm proud of my accomplishments so far and I hope that I can keep up the hard work. Hopefully this is the quickest four years of my life.

We'll see.

Why I Worry About Myself

Sometimes I do really weird things that make me worried about myself. Like here are a few things that happened recently...

I had a dream that I went for a run.... and that wasn't the worst part, there were severed heads all over the place. I just ran around them and stuff.

Walking into the grocery store the other day, an elderly lady popped her trunk with her fab from across the parking lot and I was standing close to her car and I thought... "What if I just hopped in her trunk and shut it..." who thinks things like that?

The other day I uttered the words "You is ashy."

I have absolutely no body temperature regulation. I sweat with a jacket on and freeze with it off. Like get it together hypothalamus.

I refer to explicit parts of my brain.

I have been craving vegetables.

I still don't really have any friends at school, like I have people I sort of talk to in class but I don't have any FRIEND friends.

I drank a mocha two days in a row... that probably means bad things right? I don't know.

I am always tired.

I kinda of eat pizza like everyday at school. That might contribute to the vegetable cravings.

College (Hello I'm Back)

Get it? It's like one of those song titles where the artist couldn't decide on one name so they gave it two and just put one in parentheses.

So, my entire high school career I could absolutely not wait for college. I was convinced it was going to be the best time of my life. I had all these ideas about what it would be like.... some of which are accurate.There were a few things however I was not prepared for...

I go to a black school (I'm white). I wasn't ready for everyone to be so nice to me. I kinda thought I'd just walk around with my headphones in and stay out of the way. But people just say "hi" to me as I walk by them and ask how I'm doing.

There must be some unspoken rule among African Americans about holding doors open for people. Even if the person behind you is still 10 feet from the door. They just stand and wait for you. It's weird, but nice.

I thought my classes would be harder. Right now it kind of just seems like high school, but bigger. I also didn't anticipate so much reading... I mean that was high school, I thought we'd actually do stuff.... no.

I don't live on campus so I don't have an automatic roommate "friend." But I thought it would be easier to make friends. Not that people aren't nice or talkative, I just don't see them any other time than in class so it's hard to connect with anyone. There is a girl in all three of my MWF classes, so there is promise there.

The campus is way smaller than I expected.

So, yeah. I am enjoying the fact that there is coffee everywhere and the pizza is amazing.

I'll get used to it. And hopefully make some friends.

I am the most boring person I know

What is wrong with me? I can't come up with a single blog idea. I mean, my best idea was to write about how I have no ideas. What kind of idea is that? Does the word "idea" sound weird to you too now? Like who decided that those letters could outline such an abstract...... idea? Whoa.

Oh I know I'll make a list. Lists are good. Yay for lists.

I like lists.

This is what a yip looks like.

Now the word list sounds weird.

The other day I invented a letter. It's called a "yip," it's the baby of a y and a p. The only time I've ever used it is in writing the word "hypothesis," but it did save me like .00000023 of a second. Definitely worth it.

It is a lot harder to draw a yip in paint than with a pencil.

This keyboard is hard to type on because it is way wider than my school laptop keyboard and it requires a lot more finger stretching.

I have two warts on my right pinky (they aren't gross or anything) that won't go away.

Compound W is useless.

Star Trek: Into Darkness was really good. I actually liked all the lens flare.

Graduation is in 6 days (oh my goodness).

I make friends with the spiders in my room and bathroom rather than end their life prematurely. I figure they have a lifespan of like 2 weeks anyway so why not let 'em live? Plus they catch other bugs.

I can't wait to get my laptop for college. Our desktop is the slowest thing on the planet and the keyboard is too wide.

See, I'm boring. I'm boring myself. Bye.

A few revelations...

I'm pretty much a superstar athlete.

I should have been a dancer.

I really, REALLY cannot sing.

Coffee does, in fact, have adverse effects on sleeping habits.

My acrocyanosis (sweaty hands that occasionally turn fun, yet concerning, colors like red and blue) is what it is and I need not be embarrassed about it. (However, I don't see this one making any progress because I am a teenager with the desire to conform).

I'm smarter than I think I am.

Working in retail sucks. (And provides good blog material). 

Salt makes my feet feel weird.

Mexican food is only good in moderation.

Buying gas makes me poor(er).

Frozen yogurt might be the best thing on earth.

I am in fact a senior in high school and I can't do anything about it.

Shakespeare is actually entertaining.

Mary Shelly is not.

Eating breakfast is important.

My cooking skills are amazing.

Probably only like 3 of my followers actually read this thing.

I wouldn't be a very good teacher.
 
Old people aren't that bad.

Deep Philosphical Thought for the Day

You know that quote by Henry David Thoreau (I read)? "Time is but a stream I go a'fishin in." If I could adapt that quote to my personal needs it would be more like "Time is a freaking gigantic lake, 1 bajillion feet deep, that I am drowning in, and there is probably an evil monster at the bottom." Yep. Time seems to move so slowly lately. Maybe it's because I am anxiously awaiting all the decisions from the colleges to which I applied, or maybe it's because I can't wait for Christmas to be over, so that I don't have to work as much (time at work moves slower than a snail in a swimming pool of dried concrete). Maybe it's because I put a count down to graduation on my phone (179 days left by the way). It could also just be that my watch is slower than normal watches... who am I kidding, I don't wear a watch.  Maybe it's my crazy Allied Health teacher that makes every waking minute I have to be with her more painful than someone who keeps poking your eyeball with a jagged toothpick (sorry, that was graphic, but at least you know my pain). It could also be this paper that has been hanging over me for four days and I still don't even know what I am supposed to be writing about. Could be the fact that I just ate lunch and really want a siesta, but America is stupid and doesn't believe in nationwide naps (new plan: move to Spain). A big contributor is probably my habit of keeping my inbox open, waiting for an email... sometimes I forget that I have no friends. I wear scrubs to school everyday now, so the days blend together... that might have something to do with it.

I don't know, but for someone who walks really fast, my life seems to be moving really slow.

Sweet Relief

Almost literally.... let me explain.

This past weekend I sent in all my college applications. Talk about a weight off my shoulders. I am SO glad that they are all finally done and sent. They have been hanging over me for months and now that they are all done it is nice to know that there is nothing more I can do. It all rests in the admission officers hand's. The hands that better warmly welcome me to everywhere I applied.......... I don't take rejection well. Actually,  not being accepted I guess is okay with me, I have a lot of options that are all pretty feasible and some options that are bit of a stretch.

But the sweet part is I promised myself I would make a cake just for me to eat once all my applications were in. I haven't done it yet... but it will happen.... eventually...

I know you care about this, that's why I blogged about it... der.

Words that scare me right now.

Senior
Graduation
Graduate
Diploma
Class of
2013 (shut up, I know those are numbers)
Scores
Receive
Pass
A
Advanced
Placement
Rank
GPA
College
Nursing
Quiz
Application
CNA
Essay
Captain
Honors
University
Community
Acceptance
Recommendation
Curricular
Hours
Paper
Study
SAT

One to one

The new school year has started, and right now since all my homework is done (that's a lie, I have none... "but still it's good.") I am going to blog.... because I am feeling disconnected from my blogosphere... you know because it's gigantic.

So now I am going to rant on a school related topic that is already driving me nuts. This is going to be a great last year.

Our school has this nifty (or as you will see not so much) one to one laptop set up. Each student has his or her own laptop to use for school. They can go home with us too. But you see... these laptops are paraplegic, they've been shot in the back of the head by The County. They can't go anywhere on the internet... everything is blocked... even research websites. The other day in my allied health science class we were looking up websites to make cartoons and half of them were blocked... how is that useful?

The thing that really gets me though is the fact that email is blocked... granted I spent 99% of my time on gmail last year... but that was on chat. I still used the email for reasonable purposes like telling my mom about club meetings after school I had forgotten about, or that I was SICK and she needed to come get me. All classes pretty much incorporate group projects at least a couple times throughout the semester... how are we supposed to communicate?............. The school has given us email addresses that work like the teacher given ones, but they cannot receive or send emails from addresses that are not created by The County.

Another thing... sorry this is getting boring... you can stop reading if you want... but I am going to keep typing... don't actually stop reading... it will hurt my feelings... We can't print at home! Seriously? If I try to plug my laptop into my home printer, via USB, the computer tells me I cannot add it to my 'print library' because I am not a print admin.... WHAT. I don't understand why this is a function that was blocked. Are we supposed to wait and print papers and projects the day of in the library?... plus color printing cost 10 cents a page in the library, I should be allowed to do it for free at home! Stupid stupid stupid.

I Don't Want to Grow Up

This school year is over, and as we get further and further into summer I realize ever so gradually that I have no desire to grow up. Ever since freshman year I have been anxiously awaiting the day I would finally unlock the ball and chain that is high school. Yet.... as I approach senior year 1 day at a time I dread it all the same.

Don't get me wrong I am still a greedy teenager and can't wait for a graduation party and all the presents. But, after that what is there to do? Work hard, and be responsible for your own future? No thanks... I'm just gonna crawl in my hole of innocence and sleep away the next 100 years of my life (I'm shooting for 118)... which now that I think of it I could probably do, seeing as how I slept until noon today.

Maybe I am feeling a little bit stressed about where my future will end up. Because I am fairly sure I will not get into the college I have always been planning on... Not that there aren't other options I just never seriously considered them, and now they are scaring me.

Sorry to get all inner thinky on you... I just felt like I should blog and this is all that was in my head at the moment.

I'll come up with something entertaining soon... promise.