A few revelations...

I'm pretty much a superstar athlete.

I should have been a dancer.

I really, REALLY cannot sing.

Coffee does, in fact, have adverse effects on sleeping habits.

My acrocyanosis (sweaty hands that occasionally turn fun, yet concerning, colors like red and blue) is what it is and I need not be embarrassed about it. (However, I don't see this one making any progress because I am a teenager with the desire to conform).

I'm smarter than I think I am.

Working in retail sucks. (And provides good blog material). 

Salt makes my feet feel weird.

Mexican food is only good in moderation.

Buying gas makes me poor(er).

Frozen yogurt might be the best thing on earth.

I am in fact a senior in high school and I can't do anything about it.

Shakespeare is actually entertaining.

Mary Shelly is not.

Eating breakfast is important.

My cooking skills are amazing.

Probably only like 3 of my followers actually read this thing.

I wouldn't be a very good teacher.
 
Old people aren't that bad.

Deep Philosphical Thought for the Day

You know that quote by Henry David Thoreau (I read)? "Time is but a stream I go a'fishin in." If I could adapt that quote to my personal needs it would be more like "Time is a freaking gigantic lake, 1 bajillion feet deep, that I am drowning in, and there is probably an evil monster at the bottom." Yep. Time seems to move so slowly lately. Maybe it's because I am anxiously awaiting all the decisions from the colleges to which I applied, or maybe it's because I can't wait for Christmas to be over, so that I don't have to work as much (time at work moves slower than a snail in a swimming pool of dried concrete). Maybe it's because I put a count down to graduation on my phone (179 days left by the way). It could also just be that my watch is slower than normal watches... who am I kidding, I don't wear a watch.  Maybe it's my crazy Allied Health teacher that makes every waking minute I have to be with her more painful than someone who keeps poking your eyeball with a jagged toothpick (sorry, that was graphic, but at least you know my pain). It could also be this paper that has been hanging over me for four days and I still don't even know what I am supposed to be writing about. Could be the fact that I just ate lunch and really want a siesta, but America is stupid and doesn't believe in nationwide naps (new plan: move to Spain). A big contributor is probably my habit of keeping my inbox open, waiting for an email... sometimes I forget that I have no friends. I wear scrubs to school everyday now, so the days blend together... that might have something to do with it.

I don't know, but for someone who walks really fast, my life seems to be moving really slow.

Sweet Relief

Almost literally.... let me explain.

This past weekend I sent in all my college applications. Talk about a weight off my shoulders. I am SO glad that they are all finally done and sent. They have been hanging over me for months and now that they are all done it is nice to know that there is nothing more I can do. It all rests in the admission officers hand's. The hands that better warmly welcome me to everywhere I applied.......... I don't take rejection well. Actually,  not being accepted I guess is okay with me, I have a lot of options that are all pretty feasible and some options that are bit of a stretch.

But the sweet part is I promised myself I would make a cake just for me to eat once all my applications were in. I haven't done it yet... but it will happen.... eventually...

I know you care about this, that's why I blogged about it... der.

Dear...

The trumpet player in Marching Band who thinks he is SO much cooler than everyone else,
      Yeah, hi. YOU'RE IN MARCHING BAND! (Although I personally think marching band is cooler than penguins, let's face the facts, in the high school world marching band is not the super coolest place to be). ACCEPT THIS and get over your holier than thou attitude, nothing makes you special son.

The girl at work who keeps telling me how to do my job,
     Uhm.... you have been here a week and I have been here at least 3 months (that's longer). STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, especially since you aren't good at it!

My Biology teacher,
     Stop telling us stuff is "super informal" and then giving us D's (sincerely, the whole class).

Little brother,
     Stop leaving your underwear and socks on our bathroom floor. For reals.

Taco Bell,
      I love you.

October,
     Could you actually BE October? I am not okay with this 85 degree weather. I want to be cold! I want to wear boots!

Gas,
     Be less expensive! I cannot survive if I have to shell (haha, get it?) $60 every time I fill my car up. Never mind the fact that my car drinks a tank for breakfast.

The guy from the Ukraine that reads my blog,
     Thanks bro. You make me feel internationally famous. (Or if you are a girl... thanks gur).

Words that scare me right now.

Senior
Graduation
Graduate
Diploma
Class of
2013 (shut up, I know those are numbers)
Scores
Receive
Pass
A
Advanced
Placement
Rank
GPA
College
Nursing
Quiz
Application
CNA
Essay
Captain
Honors
University
Community
Acceptance
Recommendation
Curricular
Hours
Paper
Study
SAT

One to one

The new school year has started, and right now since all my homework is done (that's a lie, I have none... "but still it's good.") I am going to blog.... because I am feeling disconnected from my blogosphere... you know because it's gigantic.

So now I am going to rant on a school related topic that is already driving me nuts. This is going to be a great last year.

Our school has this nifty (or as you will see not so much) one to one laptop set up. Each student has his or her own laptop to use for school. They can go home with us too. But you see... these laptops are paraplegic, they've been shot in the back of the head by The County. They can't go anywhere on the internet... everything is blocked... even research websites. The other day in my allied health science class we were looking up websites to make cartoons and half of them were blocked... how is that useful?

The thing that really gets me though is the fact that email is blocked... granted I spent 99% of my time on gmail last year... but that was on chat. I still used the email for reasonable purposes like telling my mom about club meetings after school I had forgotten about, or that I was SICK and she needed to come get me. All classes pretty much incorporate group projects at least a couple times throughout the semester... how are we supposed to communicate?............. The school has given us email addresses that work like the teacher given ones, but they cannot receive or send emails from addresses that are not created by The County.

Another thing... sorry this is getting boring... you can stop reading if you want... but I am going to keep typing... don't actually stop reading... it will hurt my feelings... We can't print at home! Seriously? If I try to plug my laptop into my home printer, via USB, the computer tells me I cannot add it to my 'print library' because I am not a print admin.... WHAT. I don't understand why this is a function that was blocked. Are we supposed to wait and print papers and projects the day of in the library?... plus color printing cost 10 cents a page in the library, I should be allowed to do it for free at home! Stupid stupid stupid.

Behind the Register

Since my last post about my fantastical job, I have moved departments... I guess that's what you'd call it. Anyways, I now work the cash register, which is 2,765,386,345 times (exactly) better than working on the sales floor (I guess the only reason behind this is that I don't have to clean up after people, which I barely do for myself).

So, let me let you in on a secret:

The sole purpose of the check out at Kohl's is to persuade every customer that does not have a Kohl's Charge Card that they will immediately have a seizure, go into cardiac arrest, or spend too much money (possibly a nasty combination of all three) if they do not sign up for one right then and there.

So being the sales monkey that I now am, I have devised a few simple tactics to disillusion (scare, whatever) unsuspecting customers into signing up for a Charge Card.

Step 1: Politely ask if their purchase will be on a Kohl's Charge.
This will immediately weed out a customer who does have one, making the process a lot easier. If they say no, proceed to step 2.

Step 2: Spew the benefits.
You never know which Charge Card benefit will hit the customers interest button so you have to swiftly "spew" them all. Preferably in one breath because not only is it impressive, but time efficient. The one that mostly appeals to people is the instant gratification of the 20% discount on their current purchase. Sometimes I even do mental math (lol wut?) and tell them how much money that is.

Step 3: Cry. 
Sometimes there are the customer that just need a little push. Crying is always an option, although I have never done this one (or any of the suggestions to come).

Step 4: Run.
Grab all of their merchandise and run across the store... do not give it back until they agree to open a Kohl's Charge.

Step 5: Cry and run.
Combine step 3 and 4 and add some flails while you run for drama.

Step 6: Follow.
(There is literally a guy who does this where I work) Follow a customer around while they shop and bother the heck out of them until they give in so that your creepy butt will just go away.

Step 7: Pity party.
Inform them that the management keeps track of how many credit apps you get every month and inform you when you are performing under par (add a little step 3 for drama).

Step 8: Indifference.
If after all of your haggling they still refuse quip back with something like "Well, I didn't want you to sign up for one anyway." or... "Oh, good for you now you're probably gonna get a belly ache," (alter that one to the situation) (add some step 4 for drama).

I Don't Want to Grow Up

This school year is over, and as we get further and further into summer I realize ever so gradually that I have no desire to grow up. Ever since freshman year I have been anxiously awaiting the day I would finally unlock the ball and chain that is high school. Yet.... as I approach senior year 1 day at a time I dread it all the same.

Don't get me wrong I am still a greedy teenager and can't wait for a graduation party and all the presents. But, after that what is there to do? Work hard, and be responsible for your own future? No thanks... I'm just gonna crawl in my hole of innocence and sleep away the next 100 years of my life (I'm shooting for 118)... which now that I think of it I could probably do, seeing as how I slept until noon today.

Maybe I am feeling a little bit stressed about where my future will end up. Because I am fairly sure I will not get into the college I have always been planning on... Not that there aren't other options I just never seriously considered them, and now they are scaring me.

Sorry to get all inner thinky on you... I just felt like I should blog and this is all that was in my head at the moment.

I'll come up with something entertaining soon... promise.

Creep Alert

I am quite experienced in getting rid of creepy and/or generally annoying people. Here are 5 simple steps to rid yourself of the common pest:

1) Don't ever EVER let on that you are any kind of friends with that person. If they say something about you being friends bluntly and QUICKLY correct them. A simple "We're not friends," might suffice (if not you can always try the "turn and run" thing). If they laugh it off as a joke, don't laugh with them, this ensures sincerity. Another tactic is to, at all times possible, refer to other people as your best friends, even if they aren't just to make the creep feel like more of an outsider.

2) Be mean. I love the serious sarcasm. The creep thinks you are kidding when in actuality you are completely serious. I love this because it satisfies your need to be utterly hateful without making the other person cry... too hard.

3) Hate everything they love. As soon as they say they like something make a revolted face and say you hate it. Even if it's your favorite thing in the world. They might get the hint that you two have nothing in common and therefore should not be friends.... most likely though, they won't.

4) Don't be afraid to resort to childish avoidance. If that person is standing down the hall and hasn't seen you TURN AROUND and do the swift, silent, urgent run/walk in the opposite direction. If you know when that person routinely arrives at the place you most often run into them, make it a habit to arrive there later or earlier, just so you are not forced to walk with them. (It is extremely helpful to learn their patterns so you can avoid them at all cost). 

5) During times for forced interaction, note every little thing you dislike most about this person. It will keep you sane. If you keep thinking about everything the creep does that is thoroughly nauseating you can create more condescending things to say in the future.

An Introduction to a Life in Retail

I recently got a job at Kohl's (wooo go me! I'm all profesh and responsible now... makin' bank... not really). Entonces, I have been introduced to the wonderful world of retail.

Never have I ever wanted to kill people so much...

I have come to the realization that there is no hope for the general public. They are all very stupid.

I work on the floor for the men's, misses, and juniors departments. Which means I clean out dressing rooms, hang stuff back up that has fallen, and so on and such wise (<-- you like that? sounds really intelligent doesn't it? yeah I know).

The teenage girls are the worst. They leave everything in the dressing room. Does the rack that says "We'll put it back for you." mean nothing? Idiots. OPEN YOUR EYES. Look, it's so fancy, you don't even have to fold it back up, not that you would. Then there are the chicks who go into the dressing rooms with entire outfits, (I mean like shoes, earrings, and lingerie included) hate everything, and leave it in a dressing room that looks like Fat Man (learn some history) was dropped in there. Like, jeans left on the floor perfectly scrunched down to be stepped out of.

Women are terrible too. At least they put it back on the rack. But since every woman in the world is concerned with her size, she takes in three of every piece of clothing in a different size. There are the incredibly lazy women that put stuff back on the hanger inside out. THANKS FOR NOTHING. Now I have to do more than before. Some people think they are being helpful and try to put the clothes back, but when they can't remember where they got it from they shove all of their lost little clothes on one rack IN A DIFFERENT SECTION. For real?

Men. I LOVE MEN. They come in they get what they need and they leave. The section is spotless, the clothes on the go back rack are all perfectly hung back on the hanger, and they don't try on underwear (........yep). 

So let me caution you... next time you go shopping, at least at Kohl's, please at least put the clothes on the go back rack. Or you might get eaten by a hateful Sales Associate.